OLD VERSION
The ant works hard
in the withering heat all summer long, building
his
house
and laying up supplies for the winter. The
grasshopper thinks he's a
fool
and laughs and dances and plays the summer
away. Come winter, the ant
is
warm and well fed.
The grasshopper has no food or shelter so he
dies out in the cold.
MORAL OF THE STORY:
Be responsible for yourself!
MODERN
VERSION
The ant works hard
in the withering heat all summer long, building
his
house
and laying up supplies for the winter. The
grasshopper thinks he's a
fool
and laughs and dances and plays the summer
away. Come winter, the
shivering
grasshopper calls a press conference and demands
to know why the ant
should
be allowed to
be warm and well fed while others are cold and
starving.
CBS, NBC, and ABC
show up to provide pictures of the shivering
grasshopper
next to a video of the ant in his comfortable
home with a table filled
with
food.
America is stunned
by the sharp contrast.
How can this be,
that in a country of such wealth, this poor
grasshopper is
allowed to
suffer so?
Kermit the Frog
appears on Oprah with the grasshopper, and
everybody
cries
when they sing "It's Not Easy Being Green."
Jesse Jackson stages
a demonstration in front of the ant's house
where
the
news stations film the group singing "We shall
overcome". Jesse then
has
the group kneel down to pray to God for the
grasshopper's sake.
Tom Daschle & John
Kerry exclaim in an interview with Peter
Jennings
that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the
grasshopper, and both
call
for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him
pay his "fair share".
Finally, the EEOC
drafts the "Economic Equity and Anti-Grasshopper
Act",
retroactive to the beginning of the summer. The
ant is fined for
failing to
hire a proportionate number of green bugs and,
having nothing left to
pay
his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated
by the government.
Hillary gets her old
law firm to represent the grasshopper in a
defamation
suit against the ant, and the case is tried
before a panel of federal
judges
that Bill appointed from a list of single-parent
welfare recipients.
The ant loses the
case.
The story ends as we
see the grasshopper finishing up the last bits
of
the
ant's food
while the government house he is in, which just
happens to be the ant's old
house, crumbles around him because he doesn't
maintain it.
The ant has
disappeared in the snow.
The grasshopper is
found dead in a drug related incident and the
house, now
abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders
who terrorize the once
peaceful neighborhood.
MORAL OF THE
STORY: Vote Republican
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